Ties That Nev’r Bind

You would think that medics have seen it all about body parts and are comfortable but wait until it’s with a person you love.

Falling in love is amazing, love enters the soul of each person and emerges as their passions in the arts, in science, in nature… in whatever sparks their curiosity and drive and cannot be attached to a specific moment but it only gets better when people are diverse so they celebrate love in ways you cannot imagine. We all know love is blind but what formulates that darkness for men mostly is the taste of her body in his fantasy or her skin tone or basically his definition of beauty, which you already know beauty is in the eyes, hands, tongue, and ears of the beholder, now that is the biggest scam I know of. Because beauty cannot hold water, it’s not dependable and cannot be owed by anyone and in the length of time, it is vulnerable.

So for my friend Bones, love equal beauty and beauty equals body, so men if you have ever been in love alone following a beautiful girl you know how it is. Anything she says is the law to you, her wish is your command literally because your heart feels like she is the only medication. And that’s why you know men out here who have taken girlfriends to school and never ended up marrying them, the blindness is a scam man, love with your eyes wide open.

Bone was a medic, been through all the clinical rounds and even the horrific theatres of KNH, so he had seen deformation in all kinds of manner and both genders, but man something was still waiting for him in life. You know how you have experience in your profession but not in living life, yes that kind of a thing.

So he lived largely, money was no problem in his late twenties traveling our beautiful country, a boy from Nyansiongo, that’s Kisii county for those who don’t know. Good brain when to Marani Primary toped his class, when he thinks of that life, shaped in poverty but not owed by it, he thanks God and any time we meet for coffee he takes six spoons of sugar, I ask why man? Then he is like I have to compensate man, those days in primary schools drinking coloured water for tea with sweet potatoes or sometimes ugali from yesternight then you sweeten your tongue with sugarcane as you walk to school barefoot, I have to drink more sugar I can afford it.

In Marani High School, he scored an A in his KCSE, then came to Nairobi University to study medicine, his Kisii accent is one laughable attribute and works as an icebreaker when he meets new people.

So the village boy is now in Nairobi, you know my dad used to tell me, boy you cannot survive Nairobi, the women there will eat alive or drive you crazy, comparing to these you are trying to rock, that was back in the days in Bungoma, the land of helicopters.

So Bones had no problem with his brains and classwork, his problem was how do I crack and fit in this society of people he never knew existed? He got used to his classmates laughing at his accent and he created his social chi, learned social skills from friends who thought they knew more than he did and is it not all the same for most people out here.

So after the six long years of medical school and the ups and downs of campus life, this young man was ready to face life, which he thought he knew about. I wonder why we sometimes think education is key to facing life and why I studied chemistry and mathematics equations that are useless to me and nobody taught me how life will be challenging and how I will deal with my failures and emotions. I think that’s why doctors smoke outside hospital gated and drink alcohol later, it’s like a healer killing himself, can you imagine.

There is a pain and an emptiness they feel and all the biology and hormones they have learned cannot help them. Worse all if they have friends who know nothing. And most of the time we do things because decisions have been justified by people we know regardless of their knowledge or experience about the issue, this reminds me of how Bones lost his virginity but that’s a story for another day.

Now a doctor, Bones knows all the four chambers of the heart and how it pumps blood and how the arteries are related, basically that’s what I can remember from my biology. But the heart is deceitful above all other things, who can know it? This just means it can betray even the owner.

Bones loved what his eye could see, men let us just agree on this even Adam saw Eve before he knew her. We see and we love (full stop). Bones saw the rangi ya Thao, chupa ya Fanta and he melted, this was the one he would leave all other mpangos for and stay loyal. Her name was Nyasuguta and Bones decided had found one he could settle with, just from looking remember, because nowadays people talk a lot behind their cell phones and when they meet they are all on their cell phones, meaningful interactions are minimal, so a few dates now and then she accepted Bone’s proposal and they settled.

This Nairobi life it’s easy to settle you just get a one bedroom or bedsitter outside town and a few sleepovers and a few long weekends as she marked her boundaries which become months and you settle. Tasting the waters and planning to marry when everything is okay or you are ready to take her home, the list can go on and on. Bones was not a shy one, luckily he found this rare light skin Kisii girl, no offense but they are rear. Because imagine she was a Kikuyu, oh! Those lectures his Grandma used to give him and threats would be haunting all his decision in his involvement. I don’t know why but our mothers mostly influence the character and tribe their sons marry, I cannot say for other tribes but mine and Bone’s that sh*t is real.

Before they could accomplish their set requirements, Nyasuguta was pregnant and they had to decide so Bones thought and they were in a stable relationship and financially they were doing fine so they were official pregnant. A few photoshoots now and then for social status. But man shoots for pages women are overrated, I have seen some and I wonder where do they get the muscle to do such, but you know women they challenge and pressure each other.

Bones being a doctor Nyasuguta was in safe hands, he could take her to all the prenatal clinics and their connection grew to depths they never imagined, not the ones for pregnancy craving myths, you know in the middle of the night is when your pregnant wife is like I want pizza from Dominos in Thika Road and you live in Mlolongo or the one she likes policemen and you have to take her to a police station at that moment, crazy stuff men go through.

They were deeper into love, Nyasuguta was happier she was carrying his baby, a man who had changed and gave up everything else for her, he loved her so much, she was the love of his life and she accepted to live with him, Bones had not paid any dowry, I know it’s debatable but they were in love. Delivery was successful and they had a beautiful bouncing baby boy, she adapted very well with motherhood and the dad doctor is always present to help so their life is shaping some meaning now.

I got to know Bones just after he was a dad, so we lived in the same neighborhood but we met in the hospital and we just clicked, I got well and being a father too we could meet up and talk sharing life experiences and improving each other. For some reason, Bones always thought I spoke some wisdom and wished he had met me earlier.

So today Bones has big obstacles and most men in marriage have experienced it. It’s the reason he called me and booked me the whole day. We met in town and Bones wanted we head to somewhere private for our discussion, we headed there. Entering the restaurants the aroma of the mediocre food overpowered all other scents you would imagine licking a plate or a tray before you were served. So we sat in an excluded corner which was like a cemetery for melamine.

“How is life Bro?” I asked, “Am good, maisha ni kung’ang’ana tu!” he said that’s like the Kenyan way of saying I am still in there, things are neither tuff nor soft. We ordered, catching up about our working life and latest news, mayengs and corrupt’s latest headlines and of course our brother, the new tribe in Kenya, the ones competing with the business tribe of Kenya, you still don’t know? It’s our Chinese brother, last I had a MP was detained by the police for hate speech on their businesses in Gikomba.

It was his treat so I could eat freely and not worry, you know that kafeeling. After that we touched base and talked about our families, the challenges therein and Bones was picking my mind with questions on different topics, remember he is treating me as a wise man. I shared experiences and lessons from my past and he shared his and we learned from each other but the core of the matter was not done.

“Man, I can’t keep up, Nyasuguta has changed,” he said, ” Changed how? ” I responded quickly.
“The girl I loved, is not the looking the same, she is now fat with stretch marks and flat breasts, how did you adjust?” he asked. I was not prepared for this, on top of my mind I did not have anything to say, what I knew was we loved differently and we loved different people, but his obstacles are real and men are facing it out here so I kept him going so he can speak more.
” Nyasuguta has not changed, does she not love you anymore?” I asked. “She loves and respect me, handles me like a man and especially a Kisii man,” he said. One of the suitable reasons why his grandma told him to marry a Kisii girl was she would know how to handle a Kisii man with all their stereotypes of being romantic and with a hot temper.

“Then what more do you need? So long as you are not urging she is at peace and you love her and the baby is doing fine there is no worry, you still have feelings for her? I probed Bones was silent for a while, then he said “Bro I love her but not like I used to, now I cannot even take her to swim, she used to be like a red hot Ferrari cruising on the beach, all eyes on us with her brown skin and perfect figure. Now she cannot turn me on, and there is one more thing I have not overcome bro, I was in the delivery room when she delivered, I cannot imagine it’s the same place for my pleasure, my mind drives me crazy man” This is a man who has seen it all in his career, the difference is that now the change has happened where his treasure was.

Loving someone for a reason is a scam, like all the reasons Bones loves Nyasuguta had expired, “Bro she carried your child, basically she is like that because of you” I insisted. “Does she know how you feel?” “I don’t know” he said.

“Now what do you want to do?” I asked him.
My wisdom was not enough here, life can change and there is more to marriage and relationship than good looks, now Bones cannot leave or stay away from and loving someone else the same change has a high probability of happening plus its not something that can be changed even if Thanos snaps his fingers.

The journey to normal for Bones is not an easy one but he has to change his priorities if he needs his family to work plus it’s like rebuilding a mindset brick by brick, of course, it is possible.
Now there is much comfort as am holding Bones’ hand like a brother in this journey.
Success is within reach, for those who are not yet there make better choices, what goes around comes around.