Like a sharp light clears the path of all darkness.
My eyes shutter when I stand before thee. My life fades for its sinful nature.
You spoke and Your glory went forth to all creation
Your glory Lord I cannot live a second before thee.
Like a drop of water in the ocean, You shared Your glory in me during creation.
Lord when I think of you I see love, purity, holiness, grace and above all, I see a perfect me.
Your glory is above all these as it shutters darkness and rules all the universe.
It’s a part of all your creation, imprinted in me like a signature from the owner.
But Lord I have lost it all in this chaotic world.
Dear Lord as a young child yearning for your embrace and love.
Your guardian, like a thief in the day, grabbed me when I was five.
He laid his hands around my neck and squeezed to choke me.
He tore my panty and mounted himself, I had no energy to fight, I could not scream.
As his pleasure increased so did his grip, then an instant ejaculation.
How can I call him Dad? How can I live under the same roof with him?
To this day my tears have not dried, life is a loaf of anguish.
I suffered in silence, struggling to believe in You.
Like dried dead leaves my prayers were because my body and mind were not mine.
My abrasions were a permanent scar, why me?
Lost and defenseless, I could not forgive and bore a pang of guilt that was not mine.
Who could I have talked to? Who would believe me? How could I explain myself?
With a tattered sense of self, I lived alone and shut in my mind.
And the devil who has nothing attacked again when I was only twelve,
Lord, neither what I called home nor what was considered your house was safe.
He told me to stay behind as everyone else had left, like an obedient sheep I did.
Because of the joy of serving you and being with fellow worshipers, my burden was tolerable.
My ‘boobies’ and ‘bumbum’ were just at their dawn,
I could not understand how I could attract an adult.
He started by saying there is a demon of sexual addiction that is following me.
There is a vision he has received from the most high and he needs to prepare me.
For a month every weekend, he could ask to meet to purify my body from the demons.
Is this the path for a child? Are my friends going through the same?
All these memories flood my mind, but a weak me cannot defend myself.
Lord, I wonder where You were all this while and why You allowed these to happen.
Am I not enough? For what purpose was I created?
Worse of all how can I find my way back to your glory?
I am of age now, I see friends enjoying their youth.
Free from any baggage, free from fear and full of Your Glory Lord.
It tears my heart, I feel a lesser being, I detest life and know I am filthy.
How can I free myself from these mental, emotional and physical flaws?