Words to My Younger Self

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I have Lived and Loved
I have known sin
Like the back of my hands
And cherished it as sin
But all was for nothing

I have sacrificed family
For a thought of comfortable life
For money and to be rich and famous
For sin and to be loved by the world
But all was for nothing

I have worked hard in life
To create money and wealth
To have social status I wished for
To earn respect, it wasn’t enough
But all was for nothing

An empty soul I have lived
Weighed down by sin I have lived
Search for hope in money and wealth
Search for good life as I see it on television
But all was for nothing

What is time? Now I think
I have lost my family
I have lost my love
Lost all that meant life to me
Now I have nothing

All through this life
I have been sustained
For what purpose I wonder
To have a filled soul and a happy self
That I may not be nothing

In the end of my days and time
One thing have I known
One constant presence have I neglected
A love that has protected me
That I may not be nothing

Yes in the end of my days
I’m not the most wise
No I’m not the happiest
No I’m not the top achiever
That I may not be nothing

But I have seen life with experience
Enough to know that God comes first
That Family is next and most important
Family will do what riches can’t do
That I may not be nothing

Love from family can’t be bought
They will hold when your’re unsteady
You will depend on them when there is no one
It will give you satisfaction to know
They will be good when your’re gone.

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Dear Dad

Dear Dad, thank you for loving me and caring for me.
Growing up you have always been my hero,
Sitting on your lap, learning from you all the best memories I can only imagine.
I can never choose another family.

Thank you for taking me to school, it’s an inheritance from you.
I have an education, not the best but the best you could offer.
Thanks for the discipline. Oh! I remember very well,
They shaped me to be morally upright.

Dear Dad am all grown up now, fending for myself,
Supporting my family too and am in a position like yours
With a little experience, yes! But now I understand
I understand what you went through.
Can I do better than you? I always wonder!

But now I understand the lows we had in our family,
Now I understand you were only human in marriage.
That the struggle and separations were part of being human.
I was searching for a perfect Dad unknowingly,
Now I am always thankful you were around for us.

Now I understand your culture had an impact, The constant conflict between belief, culture, and faith.
There are times you lost hope in faith and culture was no solution too.
I understand your struggle to be a perfect Dad for us
It tears my heart and I cry, but I understand.

I understand the impact of change that you had to adopt for our sake,
That losing your business and everything was not easy.
You would always smile and we never knew how stressful it was.
Having to work late and long hours outside town for our sake.
Even in your failures, we had to come first, our safety was your priority.
All these thoughts make me love you more dad.

You were the Head of our family even when you could not provide.
The times mum had to step in and your ego was never significant,
A kind of love and submission all through your marriage life.
I understand this cause sometimes I get my self in this position.
Now I understand the duty of being a man and to guide a family.

Thank you for loving mum, through the pain, in health and sickness and in wealth and poverty,
This gives me strength, hope, and courage in marriage.
Now I know what it is to love a woman, for years I have observed it.
All those lessons I reflect upon and appreciate your life.

Fathers cannot always be perfect, if he left or was never around enough or was violent,
As children, we can never fully understand their failures,
They owe it to us but whatever happened should not impair our vision in life.
Our relationships can still work out despite what they did to us.
We look to our fathers as superheroes but they are just human like us, Now I Know!

Not Ready

Am not ready for goodness
To blessed with riches
I will not be humble
Pride will kill me
Am not ready

That I miss other blessings
Yes, am still under construction
There are things am not ready for
Responsibilities I cannot fully comprehend
Shelled in waiting for a time but it does not stop

I am not worthy of gold
For am not a man fine as gold
Still down in my core cant come out
Am mined but still need work
Going through the furnace

Am not ready to be a dad
But I have sex often
I have potential but am scared I will fail
To have a child is not for me
I cannot have a heritage now

Am not ready to be a husband
I can love but my weaknesses will always show
I do not have the wisdom to teach and guide
I cannot constantly provide for a family
I want to be alone and have fun
Am not one to commit, am selfish

Am not ready to be a mother
And have one permanent being of mine
Its scary, am not ready for the pain
Am not ready for my breasts to squash
Am not ready to lose my beautiful physique

For a being who will want my attention all day
For a being I will always carry around
Who will cause me pain, no I want to still be me
I want to look glamorous and party all night

Am not ready for true love
I do not believe it, I cannot oblige
I want fun, adventure, and thrill
Have more than one person to pay my bills
Travel the world and be free to do whatever

Am not ready to be a good friend
I want to say what I want when I want
To be there for only me and care for me
To owe no one anything anytime

Am I ready to be holy or good?
This world is full of complications
Of good and bad, evil and sin
What awaits me then?

Am not ready to die, Am not
I have not accomplished anything
Am feeling I have a lot to do still
With no energy in my old days
I wasted my youth
What awaits me then?

Black Back Streets

Today I walk in town, the day time is for men nighttime for women
How weak is society, joblessness, lifelessness, and selfishness?
The search is for money to quench pleasures and addictions
Men make money to drink alcohol at night and pay for sex
Women sell sex at night to feed their children during the day
I walk these stress full of sorrow, lost hope, and a dead future

The men sit all day in the streets, the sun is hot, you can only survive if you are high
They work casual jobs once or twice a day, for a few hundred
Not only that, “Kukula Kwa macho” is part of the job
Call to all ladies passing by, checking bumbum and touching
They are always ready if you say yes, always pointing north
Fighting for “Mbao” or “Ashu” with brown teeth, cannot clean up just a sticking smoking odour
Reduce to nothing, deadbeat dads always running away from responsibility
You know these men, just walk the streets of Nairobi

You will see them in groups of three or four from 7 pm to 7 am
In short dress and minimum covering whether it raining or not
They believe men see and want sex all the time, we cannot blame them
They call to any man, “Mbao” “Ashu” come get some dear
If you are soft and weak, they hustle and robe you
It’s their life they can make a few hundred or thousands in a night
They cannot settle for a good man, they are used to five men in a night
Nairobi they say is “Shamba La Mawe” The tough always make money

“Chwani Chwani” ” Rwabe Rwabe” ” Ya Warembo” They call out
Individual moving markets, they hawk everything cheaply
Your walking path is their space, squeezing in but not loose
They only have one enemy, “Kanjo” it’s a fight they always lose
Note they will also rough you if they are running away from “Kanjo”
Hawkers are here to make money it’s tough with odd working hours
You cannot be sure if it’s illegal or not, but it’s Nairobi

Am in a matatu getting in town, slowing in traffic they knock
They are always male with a bottle sniffing in their mouth
Boss uko na ashu sijahave breko” they beg,
Any coin they make is for drugs or to gamble
I wonder what the street girls turn into, they cannot all be born male
In streets of Nairobi and they will slice you with a penknife
When they are old enough, they do anything to live, its the life they know
Walk the black back streets of Nairobi in the dark you are dead

Dear Son

Dear Son, like a charming prince you have grown up,
Mother has cared for you and I have disciplined you
It warms our heart to know we gave you our best
Obstacles existed from within and without that shaped you
You were a boy and a dependant, now a young man

Your upbringing was not the best or close to perfect
But to go through life you need wisdom more than strength
You need love and peace of mind, manhood is emotional
Above all the success you will have in life, consider this
Choose wisely whom you will spend your life with

So guard your mind for out of it comes wisdom and instruction
Likewise, guard your heart for out of it are the issues of life
Fear The Lord and be knowledgeable, hear the instruction of your father
Be a man of understanding and forsake not the law of your mother
Guard your body also, do not be conformed to the world

You will need her to be pure, but also be spotless
Purity not only in sex but also avoid alcohol and drugs
They are not the best companions in living
They will corrupt your best state of mind and blind you
Be pure in your thoughts, actions and the company you keep

Bad company corrupts good morals and impair your judgment
Know this son, in your areas of life you will consult so be wise
Abstain from friends with no values and who can be bought or sold
Friends who are afraid to correct you and do not stand for what is right
Let your company be of men that are blunt, true, honest and incorruptible

Also, beware of your act with women as you embrace manhood
It does not just go away when you marry the perfect one
Your body and hormones will rise, consider how you act
Best of all let your mind be above and in control of your body
Know and understand what it means to love and care for someone

Love is not about beauty, selfishness and pride, Dear Son
Good looks, beauty and sexy bodies fade as we age
Love the person, her character, honesty, and humility
Know what drives the woman, how does she view life?
Know her strength and weaknesses to understand her

They were all created differently, so do not just see and decide
Search and discover that she has loves and respect for you
That she believes in you and see your potential as a man
She should be a knowledgeable woman who will develop you
When she submits to your care, guide her in love son

A woman not be driven by money and material things?
Who values herself not measured by fashion or current trends
Because Son, a good woman is hard to find,
She is worth far more than diamonds, trust her without reserve
Her hands are kind and her work is of excellence

A woman who understands power and still has humility for you,
One who will kill pride and submit to her responsibilities for you,
A joyful woman always peaceful and your years will be many
One with a tongue of wisdom and a mouth to always teach love
She will be a bundle of blessings for your days on earth

But know this son, you have to measure up with her,
She will not take less than she deserves, you know why?
Though one maybe be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
Be patient with one another, do everything in love and kindness
Be completely humble and gentle, bearing with one another in love

Learn always to forgive one another, dear son
This is a constant medication for lovers
To love one another is to forgive one another
Say sorry even when she has offended you son
Show her it is relevant to you that she is always blissful

Yes you will be the head, it does not mean deciding everything
Without love she will not submit, love her and your days will be joyful
As head yes you guide in love but also listen to her, she will have appeals
Do not be hard-hearted like our fathers, make her happy, hold her hand
Do not worry, when she cannot get enough, they were created not to

I still say love her for she is your flesh, care for her as you do yourself
For no man hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and stops looking
Build up your relationship and be committed to it
Grow old together in one mind and success is guaranteed

Dear Daughter

You have been under my care just but for a short while
I have been there when you succeed and fail
But that is not all in life, you do well in education
And have good morals and a clear conscience
There things I need you to know about living

Like a beautiful flower, you have blossomed
You just starting life, dear daughter
No book written will guarantee you happiness
Your decisions will cause you both pain and pleasure
Know these facts about living, do not be innocent

Never be afraid to doubt yourself and your worth
Don’t allow what they say to hit you and doubt yourself
Even when you lose do not give up on yourself
Know you are beautiful and do not shy from your insecurities
Know these facts about living and be protected

I pray you been firm, steadfast and focused for life
Build up yourself to not be thrilled with good looks
Give yourself time to see through and prove what is honest
Do not be fast to judge or settle for less in your days
These are laws I need you to know about existing

True love does not come easy and it is not a bed of roses
You often ask yourself how will I know he is the right one
I tell you this not in a week, not in a month but you will
Give it time don’t crush on his first impressions
These are the facts I need you to know about reality

Certainly, consider this regarding men, they pretend
If you are easy they will pretend just to get a piece of you
Knowing this give yourself time to prove them
Not proof of material things or word of mouth
These are the facts I need you to know about men

Because if you settle for material things he will know
And what you will lose is more than what money can buy
So know him beyond how he looks and dresses
Know his character, action and reaction, anger and passion These are significant facts about gentlemen

To know a man who is honest true and dedicated to you
He is not after your body always praising your mountains
Always wanting to be in close doors with only you
Be aware of how he can put you in temptation and flee
These are significant realities about gentlemen

Because in sex dear daughter he gains and you lose
Yes you lose a part of you that gold cannot purchase
That you will never regain, just so to please him
And go back home to cry on your pillow alone
These are meaningful facts about gentlemen

Because he will not call you back to check on you
He will be with his guys celebrating his victory
You will not be worth his time or money or love
He will be on to his next victim, dear daughter know this
These are meaningful facts about gentlemen

Preserve yourself don’t give in easily, the end of it is dark
Yes dark, lonely and painful, a feeling you should desist
Don’t be naive, be knowledgeable and keen on him
Be a good judge of character and know his true intentions
These are important truths, do not be vulnerable

To know his character know also his friends
A man’s friends shape how he sees life
Also how he relates with you if he is not firm
They will influence his good and bad decisions
These are notable facts about men’s friends

Get to know his past life, my dear daughter
Is he still stuck in his past or does it haunt him?
Because a man who always looks back will be troubled
He will have little time for you as his past will need some
These are important facts about a man’s past

Judge and see how of a priority you are to him
Are his friends more important to him than you?
Do they influence him to do good for him and you?
Can he sacrifice time with them for your relationship?
These are realities you should know about him

He should hold you with high standards
Guard you like a beautiful city of his pride
He should be present in all your milestone
Am saying he should be constantly committed
This is a kind of man you should hold on to

Committed throughout even when it does not seem like
Constantly focused on your goals as a couple
One who sees good, emotionally powerful with no pride
One who can listen to you and understand you
Hold on to this one dear daughter

Hold on to him don’t let pride destroy your path
Have precepts that guide you throughout your courtship
Know and understand your both equal in life
But he is superior in responsibilities than you are
In this life be there for each other, protect yourselves

Show him respect and love him more every day
Be that smile and peace to motivates him always
Know that life is not a straight line throughout
Through the turns hold each other walk together
He also needs someone to lean on

Am not guaranteeing happiness here, dear daughter
Though life will have ups and downs and be rough
These will guide you to safeguard your heart
To achieve what you deserve at best in love and living
Also be humble, caring, understanding and loving

MY YESTERDAY, OH! HOW YOU SHAPE ME

I am not me but what I have seen and been through
I have grown up shaped by my immediate environment
I destroy my gifts, I loose my opportunities not that I will to
I do not know peace, I do not cherish love just because of you
Oh my yesterday how you destroy me how you blight my future

That I do not know how to love and care for you my love
Relating with you am trying to fix what was wrong with my mum
She was weak and quiet, humble and sad, she never cared for me
That am not married to you but a damaged image of her
Oh my yesterday how you destroy me how you wreck my future

You pick your call and excuse yourself to answer it
That I take it as you hiding stuff, are you cheating?
Every time I saw it with her, she cheated using her phone
The best I can act is as dad get angry bitter and stay alone
Oh my yesterday how you destroy me how you ruin my future

I did not mean to cheat, He did it to mum very openly
I do not know the perfection of love or relationship or family
I am trying to say am damaged and my yesterday haunt me
How best can I act? I’m trying to find myself in all these bad weights
Oh my yesterday how you destroy me how you cripple my future

I shout so often and you run away not that you want to
But every time he raised his voice he hit your mum
She cried a lot and it’s all you learned to shut up and not feel
It affects us to our bones that we are not us but shells of them
Oh my yesterday how you destroy me how you sabotage my future

I Get angry so easily, I had been taught that’s the culture
I can’t intellectually sit discuss and solve any issues
I want to be the head and dictate always getting what I want
It is selfish I know but it’s all he did as a husband and a father
Oh my yesterday how you destroy me how you impair my future

All this anger that makes me hit you is from my yesterday
I was a cute humble baby boy, I never knew I would be this man
Him hitting her is an image I permanently have in mind
It’s what my mind loads and I hit you my love my flesh
Oh my yesterday how you destroy me how you defile my future

Before you, I was shaped to know women as sex objects
One after another so long as they could make money
I never knew emotion or how to enjoy a relationship
Partying, fast life, looking cool and an empty brain I was
Oh my yesterday how you destroy me how you deface my future

Now am with you I see this passionate lover all mine
Am glad but my yesterday haunts me like a devil
Always wishing for a taste of what has passed
It drains my energy every time am not with you
Oh my yesterday how you destroy me how you disfigure my future

Am sick my vision is not clear, my dreams are all dark
We do not wish each other this kind of life we deserve better
Together let us uproot all our sufferings from our yesterday
Together we can form a strong bond of Love in a family
Life Love Family can be all happy when we choose it to be

I cannot promise perfection to you in this life
I can promise to always be there for you
To always love and care for you in this life
Life Love Family can be all happy when we choose it to be

I know you will not let me down, your guidance I need
I am the weak link in this chain and we can only be as strong
Peace I ask of you, a peace of mind that help to solve life
Love me, always love me it is what I need to overcome Yesterday

What is Wisdom?

Wisdom is not knowledge but is related to understanding
Taking instructions and giving instructions is for the wise
By wisdom, great kings ruled the earth
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom
What is Wisdom and who can find it?

Wisdom is far much worth than riches
Her fruits better than fine gold
How does wisdom translate to riches?
We all want to be rich and famous as gold
What is Wisdom and who can find it?

I have lived and learned through school and life
Wisdom have I met you? Am not sure
Knowledge, tricks and games I survived with
That I don’t know wisdom in my age it’s laughable
What is Wisdom and who can find it?

Decisions judge your worth of wisdom
I have made many in life, positive and negative
These all teach but how do I become wise
Is being me and doing me being wise?
What is Wisdom and who can find it?

In this life I pursue to search for you
I know I will be whole when I find you
My heart and mind are yours to fill
My treasure and My love is for you
What is Wisdom and who can find it?

I hope to do more in this life as I age
That I may hold you till my old age and death
That I might teach you to those who come after me
That this world maybe more of peace and love
What is Wisdom and who can find it?