Words to My Younger Self

I have Lived and Loved
I have known sin
Like the back of my hands
And cherished it as sin
But all was for nothing

I have sacrificed family
For a thought of comfortable life
For money and to be rich and famous
For sin and to be loved by the world
But all was for nothing

I have worked hard in life
To create money and wealth
To have social status I wished for
To earn respect, it wasn’t enough
But all was for nothing

An empty soul I have lived
Weighed down by sin I have lived
Search for hope in money and wealth
Search for good life as I see it on television
But all was for nothing

What is time? Now I think
I have lost my family
I have lost my love
Lost all that meant life to me
Now I have nothing

All through this life
I have been sustained
For what purpose I wonder
To have a filled soul and a happy self
That I may not be nothing

In the end of my days and time
One thing have I known
One constant presence have I neglected
A love that has protected me
That I may not be nothing

Yes in the end of my days
I’m not the most wise
No I’m not the happiest
No I’m not the top achiever
That I may not be nothing

But I have seen life with experience
Enough to know that God comes first
That Family is next and most important
Family will do what riches can’t do
That I may not be nothing

Love from family can’t be bought
They will hold when your’re unsteady
You will depend on them when there is no one
It will give you satisfaction to know
They will be good when your’re gone.

Process

To get lost
Is easy like the first step in the right direction,
To feel sunk and overwhelmed,
Easy like a pause and a smile,
To believe and delight,
Easy like to give up unknowingly.

Who you are is beyond qualifications,
Being real is not equally acceptable,
Living free and respectful is a creation,
Failure is a fight in division of dreams.

Peace is a creation in mind,
To pursue and chase beyond discovery,
And make it past the dark,
To reach a delightful fulfillment

Learn to repair yourself,
Your true joy of love,
Your trust and loyalty,
Your dreams and friendship,
Your faith and health,
Repair your failure,
Repair your plans,
Repair your mind.

Bare Minimum

Note I am not any special than any one before me,
Any human that walked the earth before,
As my righteousness is not comparable,
My goodness is not visible,
Neither is my love touching.

But how am I sustained?
Even more than those whose actions speak more,
Or those that serve The Almighty better than I do,
How am I sustained while I am the least?

Today I learn and accept,
It’s not by my doing,
Not by my class or standards,
Because all I get I do not deserve,
I am not equally accountable,
Or fully responsible for these blessings.

I am sustained..
For The Lord pronounced GRACE,
And He changes not,
His MERCIES are renewed every morning,
Because His LOVE is compassionate to all,
That His actions are for all Humanity,
Because He is The LIGHT, I am directed,
Thus I am SUSTAINED because He said so.

Rising Up!

Rising up is an easy dream than reality,
Easily created as an imagination,
Like a minute of excitement,
To feel that one day you will be on top.

But the first step is to fail,
To start is discomforting,
Then vividly the imagination feds,
And to start seems like a big obstacle.

I have been in the path more than once,
Schools condemn failure,
But in life failure is a teacher,
A point to continue from.

My star’s experience is a stirring that lasts minutes,
With no consistency,
I have excused myself to do nothing,
I have concluded it will not work more than once.

My mind,
My spirit,
My heart,
Have taken on this character.

By the day and in every second,
To stay focused is a challenge,
Distraction from within and without,
Now I acknowledge the difficulty of rising up.

Practice beyond failing,
Passion beyond disappointment,
Persistence beyond normalcy,
Believe beyond impossible.

Lessons from My Son..

Dad life is never that serious,
Take a step back,
Be happy,
Forgive,
Adventure,
Never stop when you hear a NO.

Being curious is key,
Always say the TRUTH,
“Haha He got me there”
Be free and do what you want,
Always ask questions even when you think you know.

Anger is an enemy,
Limit its time and existence,
A smile cost nothing but heal all the time,
Remember and learn always.

Emotions can get out of hand,
But with wisdom consider the best outcome,
Show and practice love always,
Whenever I am sitted next to you I am observing you,
I learn fast hand from you and Mum.

Dad is the protector and provider,
Mum keeps the home warm with love,
Dad is king but mum rules,
And
I love You and Mum the same but in different ways.

ADIOS 2020

I love it when I wake in the morning,
Thanks to God I can breathe,
Then I feel free with no burden,
And I focus on what I have.

This leads me to my goals,
My dream and the perfect pictures in my mind,
I know one day I will wake up and be that me,
If only everyday I take a step towards that me.

A morning person energized,
I am up to create me,
To work positively for me,
Even if I can only get one thing right,
I am glad it’s for me.

I am not jealous,
I am not resentful,
I am not angry,
All this will put me down.

I am not selfish,
And I need no negative vibes,
I look for what works for me,
And I help those who make me thrive.

Cold

Emotions are overrated,
Heart pumps only blood,
Mind is a selfish banker,
I consume for me.

Like a stormy tornado,
I flourish as I destroy,
I love and kill with one breath,
I take more than I give.

Feeling nothing has been my experience,
I cause tears and painful heartaches,
But that’s why I live,
I only pick fights I can win.

I spit lies as easy as truth,
I am loyal to the storm in me,
Love is weakness,
I flourish otherwise.

You see and admire glamor,
But it’s the devil inside,
You see beauty but it’s pain,
You see joy but it’s sorrow,
You see kindness but it’s selfishness.

Dear God as I liveth…

Make me this achieve,
Joseph with one experience knew you,
And lived only by your word,
With a belief so rare these days,
He drew his power from you.

Samson never fulfilled his purpose in life,
You created a man with so might none other has walked this earth,
With all the power and your guidance he still fell,
But God even in his last breath You answered his prayer,
No bad deed ever outshines our redemption.

I can’t match myself,
For I am weak of all these,
But your hand is always around me,
My path you guide even when I stray,
I struggle to comprehend these men.

For I am feeble, worse off than David,
And him you chose at a tender age,
Sanctified him, protected him as he rose to the top of the world,
Time and again he fell, and I relate to his fall,
As they are many than how I stand.

I cry for my sins,
I don’t know why they are so comfortable,
I pray for strength,
As I look at these transformation….

For Saul was a cruel murderer until he met You,
And Paul suffering to profess your name is unimaginable,
Whatever I go through can never match his suffering,
This change I crave for, for I’m stuck in the comfort of sin,
As I look, read and listen to these great men,
I stand worse and knowing You can never leave me.

HEARTBEAT

There is a heart beat,
Known to me from my recent past,
It is strong and feels like my heart cracks,
It’s a force that exhaust all my energy.

Triggered by a thought,
Of the unknown,
Of regret and pain,
Of deprivation and living.

These moments,
I cannot stand,
My dreams shutter,
With no purpose to live.

Fear is my reality,
I cannot do good,
The evil I love has also escaped me,
I am left empty with no spirit.

My calculations,
But all options are out of my control,
How am I to prepare for what I do not know?
Fear is my reality.

A heart holding on not to crack its flesh.

My Father

Of all the bitterness life gave him,
All his failures and troubles,
All the times he could not speak,
Because of his life’s vision.

His anger established by his eyes,
His experience tainted with oppression,
Old but with a unfailing energy,
To support his family.

Whenever I thought I was a man,
His shadow crashed me,
Fear and respect he demanded,
Power he took.

Memories growing up,
Still on my finger tips,
Wondering what creates such men,
What kind will I be?

He weighed down on mum,
He took more that he gave,
Everywhere she looked he overthrew her,
Mum was super forgiving.

His image still lives on,
All sacrifices made to him,
All blessings belong to him,
Sometimes I think he was still a baby.
For him the bottom line was he gave us the best.

Now I am a father,
I choose to love and teach,
I choose to be nothing like him,
I choose to be a better father.

As I Face

I find myself ready to battle me,
My back is rough,
My path is crooked,
My experience is up and down.
My actions pure and blended.

I stand before and stare at fortitude,
I stand gallantry to face myself,
And give myself up to faith,
I open myself to perfect loyalty.

All my questions are to be answered by these,
All my time is spent in their blossom,
My decision belong to them,

My feelings scared and,
My flesh is ready to be burned.