If I Could Be Honest

Right now at this moment,
In whatever status,
In all my areas of life,
Compared to anyone,
I am no better.

I am not free to wake up this morning,
And do as my heart desires,
I cannot follow my orders,
Even if I choose to give up, I cannot.

I wanna live like a giant,
But I have claims,
I wish to say no man can have a claim on me.
But the circles were created long before I was born.

Now as a man contracted,
Now I am governed,
I bow to everything I fear,
I obey everything above me.

I am no better than any man.
You cannot judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes.

BYE DAD!

The pain of a parent burying a child is unbearable,
But how does it feel for a son to bury his father?
What tears can make the pain bearable?
What answers to vast questions can give comfort?

How is life to be experienced with none of his advice?
I can only imagine how it feels to stand at such a grave,
I can ask my father now how he felt when it was his time,
But I cannot see a way to be okay without his guidance.

Which friends can fill the gap?
What unity can brave anyone for life so scary?
What time does heal such brokenness?
What will that death mean when I am alive?
How can I overcome the fear and pain in this darkness?

There is no way to describe the terror,
The uncertainty that comes with the of death of a father,
The changes it brings to miss a person who defended you,
Not forgetting the betrayals that await you.

What emotional intelligence is required?
Age never prepares you to face such panic,
Education is of no help, you cannot learn to carry such grief,
Finances are no cure, you cannot pay to not feel.
Attending funerals is no safety net.

Standing before his grave not ready to say bye,
While all loved ones are breaking down and you have nowhere to lean on.
Where does strength come from?
How do peace and comfort continue?

What’s next after all the agony and tears?
I can only hope the future will be bearable,
For any son burying his father,
He is to fit his shoes from now henceforth.

Politician Mkenya!

Our country as we know it on the map is a market,
It is shared with the most powerful getting the biggest of shares,
Not only the lands which the most powerful have their large share,
But also in all systems that support our daily living.

The challenges we go through are their opportunities,
Not for us to advance but for them to rule you more,
For us to depend on them and praise them for doing nothing.
Our challenges control our mindset.

We are true and passionate with praise and respect,
They are pretenders who conceal their true intentions,
They intimidate us and protect their reputation to death,
Any obstacle is crushed so they succeed.

The media is a friend to crush opponents and flourish their agenda,
Do not believe everything you see on the television or read in the papers and see on the internet,
These are people who profit from our downfall,
With every step of our loss, they gain immense wealth.

Power they use to protect what they have wrongfully acquired,
Power they use to direct resources to their backyards,
They form alliances to gain more control not to unite us,
Our misery they pay for so we forget for minutes what they should do right.

They are honest with what they do not care about,
A part of our hard work on national resources go directly to their pockets,
Their children reap for sowing nothing,
All systems are rigged to make sure we support their lavish lifestyles.

We are the prey like a chicken being shared on a market day,
From the electricity bills, we pay to the statutory deductions,
From your taxi ride to the milk you buy,
They define what we think freedom is.

Laws are not made for the masses but for the 2% who rule,
Policies are passed to fast track their agendas.
Do not be fooled we have a say in anything but that’s how they make it look,
We are never a scarce resource for them and it gives them more power.

We are the book they read other books for.
We are the firewood that warms their pockets.
We are the answers to their wild dreams.
We are the poor, illiterate majority.

IMAGINE GOD

Imagine the whole universe on one paper,
To behold every bit of the universe that exists,
The hours it would take to be perfect,
Imagine it was the hand of God and His signature.

Imagine the best instruments that are yet to exist,
The sound of God, what marvelous peace?
What joy it would be to our spirit?
What power we will behold and learn from.
Imagine sitting in an audience as God presents.

Imagine decay, all your body organs shutting down,
When all help has fled and you cannot feel anything but death,
Then you are at the hands of the healer of the world,
With whose pronouncement all sickness flee,
Would you not do your part to believe?

Imagine every default awful thing you do is equal to death,
Not just any death but nailing on the cross after painful strokes of a hooked leather whip,
All this in public and you almost naked.
Christ did that so we do not have to undergo that pain.

Imagine a love for those who do not deserve,
Above all compasion that finds you at any state,
This is of equal measure to everyone,
A love you cannot stop even when you run away.

Imagine Him as a Master and friend,
How implausible does that sound?
His grace runs deeper than we can ever imagine,
Enough to set us free. Imagine our good Lord!!

WISH

There are days I have lived,
Days I know not seconds of,
That passed like a flash,
Like I was never alive.

Days I could have used,
To ameliorate myself,
To restore myself,
I would be my higher self now.

I wish I could go back,
To have the time in my hands,
To undo my past worst deeds,
To live with the knowledge I have now.

But the impossibility I know,
And my present is running so fast,
I do not know how to control time,
I know what to do but I don’t.

My present weighed down by weaknesses,
Like the best of me is just undesirable,
Like I have no energy to live,
And I know in future I will regret today.

I wish for a brighter future,
I wish for a more comfortable life,
I wish for my higher self,
I wish to be alive now how I could be in the future.

Wish is a theory in thought,
Wish makes me covet for what I have not,
Wish has no action and time stops not,
Wish is for the lazy persona.

MY HEART

Grow up I never knew your strength,
Time passed I never educated you,
Life went on I never knew your potential,
You lost battles you could have won.

Then I realized I had you by my side,
But my experiences had taught you weaknesses,
And time had taught you you will always heal,
And my mind will always compromise.

How do I pull out of the shadows?
How can I make you effective after you so lost?
How can I make you rule all other?
How can I enrich your emotions and spirit?

To undo your default teachings,
To bring you back to purity,
To undo your sinful passions,
To enable your blessings.

Your path has never been easy,
Life, love, and faith have all tasted sour,
You have seen no hope throughout,
And you decided to adapt and survive.

Brokenness taught you paying back is sweet,
Lonely taught you to be unfaithful,
Love taught you no joy or peace but pain and fighting within,
And you pushed on to hurt and not to care.

I am taking you back,
I am taking control again,
I am teaching you best virtues,
You are not alone and no fear rules you.

We are taking it a day at a time,
Your light will shine in my darkness as the best of me,
You will never drown in anything as you grow with every beat,
You will not be selfish and still follow your rules,
You are the evidence I am so ALIVE and FREE.

GLORY

Like a sharp light clears the path of all darkness.
My eyes shutter when I stand before thee. My life fades for its sinful nature.
You spoke and Your glory went forth to all creation
Your glory Lord I cannot live a second before thee.
Like a drop of water in the ocean, You shared Your glory in me during creation.

Lord when I think of you I see love, purity, holiness, grace and above all, I see a perfect me.
Your glory is above all these as it shutters darkness and rules all the universe.
It’s a part of all your creation, imprinted in me like a signature from the owner.
But Lord I have lost it all in this chaotic world.

Dear Lord as a young child yearning for your embrace and love.
Your guardian, like a thief in the day, grabbed me when I was five.
He laid his hands around my neck and squeezed to choke me.
He tore my panty and mounted himself, I had no energy to fight, I could not scream.
As his pleasure increased so did his grip, then an instant ejaculation.
How can I call him Dad? How can I live under the same roof with him?

To this day my tears have not dried, life is a loaf of anguish.
I suffered in silence, struggling to believe in You.
Like dried dead leaves my prayers were because my body and mind were not mine.
My abrasions were a permanent scar, why me?
Lost and defenseless, I could not forgive and bore a pang of guilt that was not mine.
Who could I have talked to? Who would believe me? How could I explain myself?

With a tattered sense of self, I lived alone and shut in my mind.
And the devil who has nothing attacked again when I was only twelve,
Lord, neither what I called home nor what was considered your house was safe.
He told me to stay behind as everyone else had left, like an obedient sheep I did.
Because of the joy of serving you and being with fellow worshipers, my burden was tolerable.

My ‘boobies’ and ‘bumbum’ were just at their dawn,
I could not understand how I could attract an adult.
He started by saying there is a demon of sexual addiction that is following me.
There is a vision he has received from the most high and he needs to prepare me.
For a month every weekend, he could ask to meet to purify my body from the demons.

Is this the path for a child? Are my friends going through the same?
All these memories flood my mind, but a weak me cannot defend myself.
Lord, I wonder where You were all this while and why You allowed these to happen.
Am I not enough? For what purpose was I created?
Worse of all how can I find my way back to your glory?

I am of age now, I see friends enjoying their youth.
Free from any baggage, free from fear and full of Your Glory Lord.
It tears my heart, I feel a lesser being, I detest life and know I am filthy.
How can I free myself from these mental, emotional and physical flaws?

AVERAGE

A price you pay to live,
A price life will pay nothing more,
A path with no extreme,
Average is for the follower and the sheep.

It’s a point I have found myself,
Wondering why I cannot do more than enough,
Settling for the minimum requirements always,
I cannot even speak any language fluently,

How then can I overcome the tests of life?
How can I overcome despair?
When I have no energy to specialize,
If I cannot focus on any goal and achieve it.

I have been a statistic of the crowd,
How can I stand out when I am timid?
If I cannot speak my mind,
If I care about what the crowd will say,

Thinking is hard and to take action is even harder,
The crowd is always judging and wishing,
I want to be part of the 2% that flourish,
I want the crowd to shout out my name.

I feel the leader spirit in me,
But am dependant on the crowd’s opinion,
The crowd is full of only critics,
Who know not what is right for them?

Hi! Leader spirit I want you,
I want to grow you and put off all others;
Fire the average in all skill,
Fire the average in love and health,
I want to stand out in all areas of life.

I want to teach you passion,
To love myself and scare off the crowd,
To be still focused when they chew me alive,
I want to serve my conscious and subconscious mind.

How Do You See?

There is something about being African or Black,
Some love it, some despise it,
Even in our land, we rise against each other,
We have crossed boundaries and are well known in the world
But why do we always live trying to prove we are equal?

Life is not easy they always say,
And by so we have different wild experiences as we live.
We define normal and abnormal differently everywhere in the world.
Maybe because of wealth, culture, environment or colour.
One thing is basic we are all human, same blood and organs.

Born in the deserts of African or the oceans of America.
Born in the cold or Russia or the fighting in the Middle East.
Born in the jungles of Indians with the monks or oil coasts of Nigeria.
Born a prince of Swati or a price of Queen Elizabeth royalty.

Love in Africa is still love anywhere else in the world.
Colour, black or white or yellow, to Love is still Love.
Love knows no colour, it’s perfect and clean of racism.
Love is the acknowledgment of equality, we are the same.
Our diversities are just but a part of nature, not for benchmarking.
The world all over faces the challenges though different.

A rich man in England is still a rich man in Botswana.
A black man sleeping hungry is still the same as a german sleeping hungry.
Struggling unemployed youths are the same in any colour.
A drug addict whether black or white is still addicted.
Victims of rape are all traumatized whether raped by white or black.

This life has obstacles for all levels of living.
The rich, poor, black or white, even royalty has its challenges.
Feed your mind and heart with values that know no borders.
Values that cost nothing to earn but time and practice.
Love, Wisdom, Discipline, Faith, Hope, Happiness and Sharing.

Embracing these quality values brings the best in us.
A better leader in Africa can still lead anywhere in the world.
Good parents are good parents no matter the colour.
A perfect couple is perfect, whether a combination of different colours.
Good children are still good whether brought up in the Middle East or Royalty.
When it’s all said and done death is the last part of all living.

Dear Wife

A decision was made, of which I was least deserving,
I call a decision because they tried to have it changed,
But her mind was made up, all she needs was me,
That is a feeling I can never describe, feels like a melting heart.
It’s more than joy, it’s passion defined, its the source of my life.

She was created with greatness in her blood of life,
The best of me she will always see even when I don’t show,
A top achiever with genius brains and intellect morals,
Love for her is not a risk, even when I was a big risk,
But her source of power to shape me out of my weakness.

Push her to the wall she will still smile and offer to help you.
Positivity is her first impression, from when she was young.
Focused in challenges, a guide you need in this jungle of life.
Strength you can embrace when you feel like letting go of everything,
Giving up is not in her path, she is patient with a love I never knew.

My best definition of a mother who loves and protects.
I wish I was that son to always be held in her arms unharmed.
To always have a permanent assurance of love and mothering.
To be taught life’s lessons from the best second to God,
Yes, second from God, whom she learns from every day.

Even in her boldness, the fear of God comes first.
One who understands the Love of Christ, as a shield in life.
She corrects me for Christ first, then makes me pledge for us.
She teaches the law of kindness and wisdom all the time.
The work of her hand is said to be artistic in itself.

Her life is always a light I can follow in my darkest moments.
She taught me true love and care which is more than being a man.
I find the best of me in her because our lives always converge.
I always know am not alone my love is complete with her.
Yes, she will still love me cause she is the one I love.

In my old age in that wheelchair it’s her I want to stand beside me,
Looking back and celebrating our children and grandchildren,
Celebrating good health and virtues in old age together.
Her leadership is one I can depend on to shape our legacy.
Yes, she will still love me cause she is the one I love

I will still choose you when you are old and you can’t walk upright.
You will still feed me and I will wash your feet.
It is a powerful feeling to know this now as we are young.
A kind of focus that makes our relationship of one mind.
Yes, she will still love me cause she is the one I love.

We will prove the one famous theory that has served us through the years.
Three words, two people, one feeling, ‘I love you’
Because we will give it our all even when things are hard.
Yes, I love you my life’s mentor so much it is in my blood.
Three words, Two People, One Feeling, “I Love You”