How many time you give yourself?
Room to give up,
To turn a blind eye,
To feel lazy.
To second guess your ability,
To delay your passion,
To research on your excuses,
To waste time you will never have back.
To sit and think of what you don’t have,
To choose not to see what’s infront of you,
To think of what people will say,
And choose comfort than risk.
How many time have you said,
Today let it pass I will do it tomorrow,
Comfort does not pay for growth,
Risk is the fuel for courage
I can see good,
I love the glamor,
I love big dreams,
I love big goals.
I know failure,
I hate the pain,
I lack the energy,
Lazying by the day is comfortable.
I keep wishing,
When will I make it?
I wait for the big bang,
Thinking what I could do if I had ten million shillings,
With ideas of how to be successful.
Truth is I know not how,
Dreams work,
Goals are achieved,
And how to be wealthy.
I know not of the sacrifice,
Of the consistency and planning,
Of having a passion and focus,
And how to work on my failure.
I know not the impact of my daily lazying,
But every day I admire the good things,
I talk of other successful people,
I wish to have a pinch of what they have.
And when I am disappointed,
I cry to God for help,
And God say read my word,
Everything about wealth is written there.
But I am still left wandering up and down.
I have lost time with poor friends like me,
Just admiring, wishing and talking but doing nothing,
I have no concrete thought of what I could be,
I know not how dreams, goals and success work,
Failure, focus and fear put me where I am.
What is it you do and you are good at?
Education and academics have chosen their geniuses,
Like if you not chosen you not good at either,
I know of people who even after putting all their efforts,
Failure and anger is what they embraced.
But think deeply of something in life,
That you are really bad at,
And see if there is someone who makes you look good at it,
Think of all your areas of life.
What of your personality?
Are you fully responsible for it?
Or is it pegged on something or someone?
What of your status is it because of your family name?
I ask this question and reflect,
The kind of friends I keep,
The kind of relationship I invest in,
And my strength and weaknesses.
I accept my mistakes as I show off my success,
But how are all these made possible?
Where am I to improve and who is by my side?
To define you, your purpose and content,
Know what and who you are made of.
Mining from what you take and flourishing from what you give.
We are a sum of ourselves and our surroundings.
Gone are the days,
We woke up to I love you,
To smiling to the sun,
To a life of love.
Gone are the days,
You would look into my eyes,
And see a knight and conquerer,
As I a queen whom I serve for life.
Gone are the days,
Butterflies would rock our bodies,
As we kiss and embrace,
This distance is a killer.
Now I sit and wonder,
When will I have you back in my arms,
When will I see you with my eyes,
When will you smile at me.
Gone are the days,
We cooked and ate from one plate,
We spent days and weeks together,
Planning and hoping, loving and beholding.
These are days when,
A minute feels like two,
An hour feels like three,
And a day feels like a week,
When I am not besides you.
These are days I have been,
Swayed away from your beauty,
Lost from you sight,
I need only you now.
I miss us arguing,
And making up so easily,
Laughing to our jokes,
Ooh I miss you.
How can I find myself to you?
All I can do is think,
Of our beautiful past,
But not have you here,
Of our beautiful love,
But not feeling you now,
Of our beautiful practice,
But do nothing now.
At this point I see no meaning for pride,
I wonder of that persona who cost me,
And how stupid he was to make such decisions,
And why I regret now and it was me.
I ask why I lost my humility,
I cry to turn back time so I could not be here now,
I wonder why I lost my faith and morals,
I search for myself but all I see is regret.
I have lost more than I planned to achieve,
I have no worth when I stand before truth,
I have no esteem before my peers,
I lean back and cover myself on a lie.
I put up that smile for the camera,
But my health is lost with my regret,
I speak of wisdom and learn but I come out as a fool,
I look within and see all the things I could have done better.
The filth and corruption I bear,
Like bad air chokes my lungs,
I long to live among the faithful,
But judgment scares me to stay alone.
I wonder how to learn from these mistakes?
How can I let go of me who hurt me?
A skeleton of broken bones,
I am lost in regret.
I understand life is about choices,
Some haunt us for a life time.
And we are what we choose to be.
Life is a short lived celebration,
With a few moments that make sense,
And many other of pretense,
To self and to those who don’t know you.
I sit and lie to myself,
Then I make my friends believe,
That my smile is real and true,
That my core is firm and sold.
But the truth of myself is shut,
To depths that I cannot find,
With a pain I never want to feel,
With friends who act like make-up.
Hollow is my part,
As I act another,
And life goes on and on,
Now I don’t know how to find me.
We live life moving forward,
But it makes sense looking backwards!
And I still don’t want my past to define me?
Left hanging on the low,
Getting high is an unsustainable injection.
What is beautiful? I ask?
Are people beautiful as they look?
Is it how we talk or think?
What pleasure do you call beautiful?
If you google beauty you see faces,
You see perishable body,
You see content for the majority,
Where does that leave humanity?
I say beauty is in caring and sharing,
To be human is more than how you look,
It is to be a part of a society or clan,
It is to produce a care that is beautiful.
I say beauty is in loving unconditionally,
A love that is boundless of colour,
A love that is equitable to all,
A love that is responsible in all blessings.
I say beauty is in every action we take,
That goes forth to create an infectious good,
Even in suffering we act without jealousy,
Absorb less but bring out more beauty.
In every revenge exists a choice to behold and love,
In every jealous thought exists a thread of care,
The energy that hates is the same we love with.
If only it had a chance to expressed beauty.
Only by love is love awakened,
Only by care is care extended,
Only by sweetness is sweetness propagated.
Her feet always on top of mine,
We eat from the same plate,
We sit together her shoulders over mine,
We hold hands before and after Corona.
Pass me this from the kitchen,
Please close the doors before we sleep,
Thank you, the meal was sweet as always,
It is special every time you cook,
All this always ending with a kiss.
And that’s how we conquer love.
Wow! You look good just the way you are,
Smile for me and share your joy,
Let us take a walk together,
Talk to me about us.
To feel better is continuous,
It is a part of every role,
Small things matter,
They form a bed for when the cream has gone bad.
And that’s how we conquer love.
Come sit next to me,
Go warm the bed for me,
Massage my neck and back,
Let me know before you leave,
Take the garbage outside,
Wait I am almost ready,
Help me undo my hair,
Wash my hands and feet.
And that’s how we conquer love.
Stand next to me as I do the dishes,
Don’t give me your back,
Take a photo of me and a selfie of us,
Let me be the first.
You know I love you,
Come hold me tight,
Cover me I feel cold.
Carry me across we go to sleep.
And that’s how we conquer love.
I am the best love can offer,
I am not lovable to anyone else,
I am the beautiful thorny rose,
Only she knows both sides.
I am the definition of bittersweet,
A heart that can love and kill,
A selfish lover with dictatorial authority,
To rule not only her actions but her will too.
My memoirs are good and bad,
A cocktail of pain and pleasure,
A map leading a success to two failures,
I am a king and a betrayer of my queen.
My tongue speaks love and fires anger,
The same tongue reassures and causes pain,
Of love and I yearns for her,
Of sorrow when I put all blame on her.
If I am a burden to Jesus, imagine being in her shoes,
To be married to me is to give a blind eye to all my flaws,
It’s to hold my hand and guide me from my errors,
It’s work for only one woman and I have her already.
Like Jesus, she sees me for what I can become,
She sees the good and the potential for good.
Years have gone by and life has happened,
But I still give her butterflies with every touch,
She still sees love from my eyes,
We create joy and happiness like no other,
I know my value and we dance together,
Through life and beyond death,
I am hers and she is mine.
Relationships are hard,
Be they the right ones or wrong,
Thinking and doubt are always close,
And permance needs reassuring.
Right decision turn to pain,
Wrong ones offer the best pleasure,
Bad actions are for those closer to you,
And the best of you is for those out of reach.
Some points just feel like you have to give more,
More that you have to not fail when you are hurt,
To succeed when the one person you chose pulls down,
While doing all this you still not good enough.
Desire lives in the darkness of secret freedom,
An escape of thrill that destroys.
Perfection is sort and recognized from looks,
While the meaning of substance is lost.
Brokenness, from parents friends and lovers,
Form a you with so many pieces, childhood to adulthood,
Of joy and sadness, peace and war, love and hate,
That you can never bring yourself together.
Then years are spent,
Personalities change for better or worse,
Life turns on and off,
As memories haunt for life.
Do you have what it takes to serve your whole life?
LIFE'S PARTS by Mogesa Edward 